Page 3 of 20 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 13 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 45 of 288

Thread: How about a HUMOR/LAUGHTER/JOKE gallery?? Post 'em here

  1. #31
    Registered User
    Name:


    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Alamogordo, NM
    Posts
    62
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    One Big Happy Family?

    ;Y
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #32
    Sumo Blue
    Name:

    Snake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Tampa, FL
    Posts
    2,751
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Originally posted by 2002GreyHD150
    Americanbadazz, as a happily married, hetrosexual male, your post is disgusting & inappropriate for public post.

    Be a "real man" as you post & let people be. I am suprised someone hasn't deleted it...

    bigotry, hatred, & intollerance are the core of ignorance & stupidity.

    (that ought to get the post deleted)

    Rob W.

    Sorry Rob. I'm not a bigot, ignorant, or stupid. Although I don't agree with a homosexual lifestyle or think that homosexual marriages are "okay," I also don't think its acceptable to beat up gays simply because of their lifestyle choice. There may be others on this site who feel the same way as you and there may be some who think my post was funny. Some of the other posts on this thread could be just as questionable.......not to me, but to someone else. Example: It would be easy to say that pictures of a woman in a bikini (or in a dress that makes it look as though you can see her panties) is degrading and demeaning. Or that the "Rules for Men" are insensitive and guys should be more considerate. I apologize for offending you. Certainly not my intent. And I'll try to be a "real man"

    Now, can we get back to the intent of this thread, which was funny chit?

  3. #33
    Registered User
    Name:


    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Alamogordo, NM
    Posts
    62
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Time to wash your car!

    Sure no one here has ever seen this on their trucK!
    Attached Images Attached Images

  4. #34
    Lappy 486!
    Name:

    TheDunnster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Southern Baltimore area
    Posts
    470
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Jersey Girls

    Three men were sitting together in a bar bragging about how they had given their new wives their duties.
    The first man had married a woman from Alabama and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.
    The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. On that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
    The third man had married a Jersey girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper. Gotta love them Jersey girls.

  5. #35
    Lappy 486!
    Name:

    TheDunnster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Southern Baltimore area
    Posts
    470
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Its important ...

    1. It is important to find a woman who helps at home, who cooks a decent meal from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
    2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.
    3. It is important to find a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
    4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
    5. It is very important that these four women don't know each other.

  6. #36
    Registered User
    Name:


    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Alamogordo, NM
    Posts
    62
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    A Toast!

    One evening John O'Reilly and his toastmasters club were hitting the Guinness and having a contest to see who could come up with the best toast. John O'Reilly hoisted his beer high and said, Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife! With that, he was instantly awarded the prize of Toast of the Night. Later that evening, he went home and told his wife, Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night. Aye, she said, and what was your toast? Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife! he replied. Oh, that is very nice indeed, John! Mary said. The next day Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, Did you know John won the prize the other night with a toast about you, Mary? Aye, she said. I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!

  7. #37
    #4954, 12APR01
    Name:

    kromdom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,126
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    This is why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small Texas town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

    He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?
    She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.

    You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

    The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

    She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

    The defense attorney almost died! At this point, the judge brought the court room to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards ask her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."

  8. #38
    Registered User
    Name:


    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Alamogordo, NM
    Posts
    62
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Laugh Secret to a long life-

    I've finally got the proof for my wife, she thought I was making this up!! :k
    Attached Images Attached Images

  9. #39
    jpanchalk
    Guest
    Name:

    My favorite....

    An Indian, a rabbi, and an Irish catholic priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says: "What is this, a joke?"

    ;Y ;Y ;Y ;Y ;Y

    Aww, c'mon. Nuthin? Is this thing on?

  10. #40
    Lappy 486!
    Name:

    TheDunnster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Southern Baltimore area
    Posts
    470
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts



    ...

    What?! The garage was full!!

  11. #41
    Registered User
    Name:


    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Alamogordo, NM
    Posts
    62
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Laugh Whoo Hooo!!

    It's Friday!! Let it all hang out!!
    Attached Images Attached Images

  12. #42
    Sumo Blue
    Name:

    Snake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Tampa, FL
    Posts
    2,751
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    I received a copy of a letter a friend's mother sent him last week; she is eighty-eight years old
    and still drives her own car.

    She writes:

    Dear Son, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and
    saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.

    I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
    thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

    So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

    Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

    I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
    about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had
    changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd
    never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

    Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
    and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God!
    Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
    Everyone started honking!

    I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
    loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

    There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
    yelling something about a "sunny beach".. I saw another guy waving in a funny way..
    with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

    When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that man meant.
    He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've
    never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good
    luck sign back.

    My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious
    experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy the moment that
    they got out of their cars and started walking towards me, I bet they wanted to
    pray or ask what church I attended.

    This is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers
    and sisters and grinning, I drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was
    the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again
    and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had
    shared.


    So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
    Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away.

    Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!!

    Will write again soon, Love Mom

  13. #43
    Registered User
    Name:


    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Alamogordo, NM
    Posts
    62
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

    The Good, Bad, and the Ugly

    1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
    Bad: It's triplets.
    Ugly: You had a vasectomy 5 years ago.

    2. Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
    Bad: She wants a divorce.
    Ugly: She is a Lawyer.

    3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
    Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
    Ugly: So are you.

    4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
    Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
    Ugly: You're in them.

    5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
    Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
    Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

    6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
    Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
    Ugly: He looks better than you.

    7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
    Bad: She keeps interrupting.
    Ugly: With corrections.

    8. Good: The postman's early.
    Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a gun.
    Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

    9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
    Bad: It's another man.
    Ugly: He's your best friend.

    10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
    Bad: As a hooker.
    Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
    Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!

  14. #44
    El Presidente
    Name:

    Oh My Hog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canada, eh.
    Posts
    4,008
    Like
    10
    Liked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Proof that engineersjust don't get it!
    Attached Images Attached Images

  15. #45
    #4954, 12APR01
    Name:

    kromdom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,126
    Like
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    GIVE ME A SENSE OF HUMOR LORD
    ================================
    There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
    ================================
    While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust,"
    ================================
    A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation,"
    ================================
    A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?""That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
    ================================
    There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." Answered the lady.
    ===============================
    The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances. "During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

    Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk.

Page 3 of 20 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 13 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •