Who do you think is being punked here:
Who do you think is being punked here:
she loves me, she loves ME NOT???
Just having fun..not being sexist, chauvisnistic, immoral, etc.
another sample
what do you guys think??
not I, said the FLY??
Why are a gorillas nostrils so big?
Have you seen the size of his fingers?
WARNING: this can happen to you if you get too drunk!!!;t
Only at Wal-Mart........
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars..a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks." Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Wal Mart!
How to avoid the flu. Especially if you haven't been able to get a flu
shot because of the shortage .... here's some good advice:
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune
system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead
of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of
antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR ... You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when
you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.
Why? Because alcohol kills germs.
So...... I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona
(fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio
(fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and
then pass out (rest).
The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can't
get you!!!!
Subject: Walmart shopping
15 things a man can do at Wal-Mart while his wife is taking her sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone:'Code 3 in Housewares' . and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the Camping Department-and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible."
12. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack, and when people browse through, say, "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while, then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"
Too Funny - For those of us that think we have it all
under control when we are
a little buzzed..... Ha ha!!!! Enjoy!!
Fw: Guys Night Out......
The other night I was invited out for a night with
"the guys." I told my
wife that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed
and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3
a.m., a bit loaded, I headed
for home. Just as I got in the door, the stupid cuckoo
clock in the hall started
up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up,
I cuckooed another 9
times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with
such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed),
in order to escape a possible conflict with her.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got
in, and I told her
"Midnight". She didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew!
Got away with that one!
Then she said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I
asked her why, she said,
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then
said,"Oh sh*t.", cuckooed
4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3
times, giggled, cuckooed
twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
2003 HARLEY DAVIDSON F-150 #2888 (Black) of 10,047. Born on 1/23/03.
Formerly "100th#2888"
Dual Magnaflows w/ X, HID headlights, LED rear, L 3rd, Line of Fire, Roush fogs, Eibach 1" front drop, 2" Bell Tech rear drop, "L" spec Bilsteins at all 4, Ported and Polished throttle body, Custom polished stock upper, Volant intake, METCO Idler pulleys, Innovations ProSport. TRADED IN ON 6/3/08. Fun while the ride lasted. U.S. NAVY SEABEES RETIRED.
does your computer screen get all dirty???
well, click the link to get it clean...lol
http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf
http://joecartoon.atomfilms.com/pages/superfly2/
1)Go there click on cartoons
2)then supahfly
3)then supahfly II
#2256 built in 3/26/02 - 6# lower, 377HP/483TQ before the Whipple.
Super Fly is funny @ss chit. I remember first seeing that about 10 years ago. Joe has come long way.
Red 1999 SVT Lightning Build #1665 My Lightning Pics
Bay Area Lightning Association Photos and Videos updated 6/16/2004