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Registered User
Name:
Airplance Maintenance Crew Humor...
I read this on Snopes, thought it was funny.
Pilots lodged complaints, and the maintenance crews provided the answers.
Problem: Left inside tire almost needs replacement.
Answer: Almost replaced inside left tire.
Problem: Test flight okay, except autoland very rough.
Answer: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.
Answer: #2 Propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3, and 4 lack normal seepage.
Problem: Something loose in ****pit.
Answer: Something tightened in ****pit.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Answer: Live bugs on backorder.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Answer: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Answer: Evidence removed.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Answer: Volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Answer: That's what they are there for!
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Answer: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Answer: Suspect you're right.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Answer: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Answer: Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, fly right and be serious."
Problem: Target radar hums.
Answer: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
Problem: Mouse in ****pit.
Answer: Cat installed.
Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Answer: IT DOES NOW.
Problem: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
Answer: Fresh seat cushion on order.
Problem: Turn & Slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Answer: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
Problem: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Answer: Pilot removed from aircraft.
Problem: Pilot's clock inoperative.
Answer: Wound clock.
Problem: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
Answer: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.
Problem: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Answer: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.
Problem: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Answer: Engine run for 4 hours. Noise now familiar.
Problem: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
Answer: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.
Problem: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
Answer: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.
Problem: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
Answer: Ground checks OK.
Problem: 3 Roaches in cabin.
Answer: 1 Roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Problem: Weather radar went ape!
Answer: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess.
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Rumblin Bumblin Stumblin
Name:
some of those are hilarious!
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"Fuzion" 1986-2007 R.I.P.
Name: Troy
Yea I heard some of those before, For real! Some pilots are idots. I use "Unit doesn't work in the OFF mode." a lot on the dumb ones.
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Registered User
Name:
lmfao...
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Slowest 03 HD n the WORLD
Name:
there are some funny ones and some that are like hmm...
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