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Thread: Retired husband

  1. #1
    *SOLD - but not forgotten
    Name: Chuck NHTOC #291

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    Laugh Retired husband

    RETIRED HUSBAND

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:


    Dear Mrs. Harris,


    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.

    We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.


    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.


    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.

    This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

  2. #2
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    Haha!!

  3. #3
    Junior Boost Lover
    Name: Sean

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    Hahahaha! Copy and pasting this for the wife. I hate going to Target with her.

  4. #4
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    Name: Rich

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    Lmfao my last name is Harris, best part is my wife could see me doing this

  5. #5
    JUST FOR SoFlaHarley
    Name: Adam

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    thanks Chuck, now I know my role when I get dragged there

  6. #6
    Sport90's #1
    Name: Matthew

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    Very nice!!! Gave me some more ideas to the normal stuff that I do.

  7. #7
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    Name: Byron

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    that's why i stay in the truck so i want do anything like that

  8. #8
    *SOLD - but not forgotten
    Name: Chuck NHTOC #291

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    LOL...sounds like you're all just crazy!

    Maybe we should create a pact and each one of us pick 2 things from the list and go do them and report back here?!!

    Mods=L&S Oil Sep, Blackwood trim & mirror caps, Navi ant' base, E-brake pedal, CAI, C&L Intake & Plenum, 95mm MAF tube, SBTB, 170 T-Stat, Predator+RWTD custom tune, 8# lower, PG Ti900.7 amp, JLA XR570-CXi & Stealthbox, FTVB, Finned Trans Pan, Line of Fire LED, J-Jent Grille, RotorPro Dimpled & Slotted rotors, LED taillights, chrome door strikes, billet locks & coat hangers, ChickenEars Engine Billet package #1&2+door sills, Metco billet aux idler bracket & pulleys, LFP E-Fan, Xenarc HID heads, clear corners, Roush HID fogs, Bedrug, L' 3rd, Kenwood DDX-7017 DVD+TV+Sirrius+RevCam, Lotek dual pillar pod with AutoMeter boost gauge & DynoJet WBC, fog switch mod, UPR billet window switches and door locks, FAST overlays, LFP 58" bars, Hotchkis TVS, Bilsteins, DblG Panhard, Cervinis Cobra R hood, BFG T/A KDW 2 tires, Hawk Ceramic pads, MGP caliper covers.

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